Ever since childhood we are exposed to a culture that teaches us that the most romantic love is the one that is riddled with difficulty and fed by drama. What we are not taught is that a person can be happy in a relationship without all the craziness and drama and that in fact, we are our worst enemy in most cases. Here are some of the things people in relationships do thinking they are completely normal when they are not.
Things All People In Relationships Should Rethink
Some of the things described below are common practices among couples. So much so we take them for granted, thinking they are “the done thing” rather than toxic behaviors jeopardizing our bond. You may want to rethink, though.
A very passive-aggressive way of communication that is, however, super common in couples is talking in riddles. Dropping hints and making your partner figure out what’s going on in your mind are signs of a problematic communication, though. You should express your thoughts and desires openly, and be open to hearing hers without criticizing them harshly.
Keeping score is another popular practice among couples. Keeping tabs on all your previous arguments and disagreements so that you can have the upper hand on your next one is not only bad for your relationship – it is also soul destroying for you. Every argument should be about a specific thing, not a free-for-all. (There’s a right way to argue, read here.)
If you’ve done something wrong and you buy her flowers and a pricey bag because you feel bad, you may be in the habit of bribing your partner. That’s not to say you shouldn’t buy her presents, just make sure it’s for the right reason, not because you are trying to avoid facing responsibility by buying your way out of a serious conversation.
More Things to Reconsider
Emotional blackmail. That’s when you hold your relationship hostage, threatening to leave your partner at every given opportunity. If there’s something you don’t like about your partner, it is perfectly alright to communicate it with her. Instead of saying “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t understand me”, try explaining the problem every time and work together towards a solution. It might make you feel strong when you threaten to end things, but it makes your relationship weaker as you take your trust in it away.
It is one thing to know you can rely on one another and be there for each other in times of need, and it’s another to consider co-dependence as a natural state to be in. Relationships are living organisms that need air and space to breathe, and if you spend every moment of every waking hour tied at the hip, you won’t allow yourselves to grow as individuals. That’s unfortunate because it means you’ll soon grow tired and bored of each other. A good idea is to try to spend some alone time and just do your own thing as well as the things you do together.
Now you know about these things people in relationships do mistakenly without thinking much of them, you can be more wary of them and recognize when they happen. Instead of acting as if they are perfectly normal when you spot them, work on eliminating them and see how much better you will feel in your relationship.
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