In our black-and-white society, the person who makes the decision to end a relationship is almost always likened to a cold-blooded killer, stabbing his innocent partner right in the heart. However, being the heartbreaker is sometimes almost as hurtful as being the one who has their heart broken.
The Heartbreaker Also Has A Heart
What we tend to forget when we immediately take the side of the one who’s been dumped is that the one who finished things also has a heart. And sometimes – not always, of course – he may be suffering too. This is why.
For starters, just because a person decides they don’t want to be in a certain relationship with a certain person it does not automatically mean they dislike that person. Sometimes there are other reasons for making the decision to end the relationship, such as the fact that these two people may not be compatible enough to build a happy and stable relationship together. The fact that one of the two has the courage to realize this incompatibility first does not make him a soulless monster – it may just be that he’s more sensible and mature.
Another thing we should take into account is that we never really know what goes on behind closed doors. Just because we love and appreciate someone as a friend it does not mean we know how they act as a romantic partner. So, it is wise to not be quick to judge and lay blame when we only have knowledge and access to half the truth.
Thirdly, a person who ends a relationship may be in an advantageous position because HE gets to make the decision, but this does not mean he is devoid of feelings. Having to break such bad news to someone is hard if you care for that someone, which is very often the case even though you may not necessarily be in love with them anymore. Nobody likes to be the bad guy, after all.
The feelings of guilt and self-doubt that follow the decision to leave someone are in no way positive feelings. The person who ends things will wonder if he’s done the right thing and he should brace himself for the anger and resentment he may have to endure as a consequence of his announcement.
Last but not least, when you end a relationship with a person, you also say goodbye to the life you used to share with them. Whether the relationship was a short or long-term one, you will most likely have shared friends and experiences and habits you will lose the moment you part ways with your partner. This means that the heartbreaker has to come to terms with a whole new reality too, just as the person who has had their heart broken does.
Even though we won’t claim that a heartbreaker suffers at the exact same degree as the person who’s been dumped, it may be a good idea to begin to look at things in a more open-minded way and be less judgmental and more understanding of the pain he may be experiencing too.